Through the Glass Darkly

          It's occurred to me recently that we know a lot less than we think we do about God's plan for us.  I hope this isn't a surprise to anyone, but I've also been struck by how little we know about even the parts that He chooses to share with us.

          Recently the Lord has blessed me with some of the most clear, direct, specific revelation that I've ever received.  I thought I understood why He was giving it to me.  I thought I understood what blessing He was trying to bestow.  So I happily thundered forward and faithfully applied everything He told me to, even the things that seemed peculiar or even a bit ridiculous.  Most of the times I did I felt/saw a confirmation that I was indeed doing what the Lord wanted me to.

          At the end of this last week the spiritual buildup reached its climax.  In many of God's communications to me I saw, or thought I saw, encouragement that things would turn out the way that I wanted them to.  At the same time, knowing how things have a way of happening differently from how I expect them to, I recognized that choosing to believe what the outcome would be was a risk.  Boy was I right about that!  Not only did things not happen the way I hoped that they would, I found out that all the inspiration I had received had a completely different purpose from what I had thought.

          The Lord did have a miracle in store for me, but the miracle was not the sudden shift in circumstances I was looking for.  It was that as soon as it became clear that I wasn't going to get what I wanted, my personal desires fell away and all I cared about was the welfare of the other person involved.  It was a miracle because it wasn't something that I would have naturally been capable of doing without the enabling power of the Atonement.  It has been a long time since I have cared so much about the eternal destiny of another person as I did in that situation.  I understood far more deeply than before the kind of love that motivated the Savior to desire to suffer so that another might not have to.    I wished that I could do the same for them.  I pray that I will be able to do for them anything else that may be in my power.

          Even if, despite the emotional and spiritual exertion that I experienced over the course of this experience, I didn't get what I wanted; even if I never truly understand all of the Lord's purposes for prompting me; even if it causes me distress in the future; if, after all that, the will of the Lord was done by it and one of my spiritual siblings received the blessings they needed, then I would do it all over again in a heartbeat.

          We spend our whole lives trying to understand the direction that the Lord gives us.  We try hard to divine His purposes and to see the meaning behind the suffering and the tears.  Yet through our effort we hear the cry of Nephi, in the very act of receiving one of the most clear revelations we have record of:  "I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things. (emphasis added)."  I too do not know the meaning of all things.  In fact, I feel like there are no real exceptions to that.  The lowly specks of understanding that distill on our souls from time to time are absolutely nothing to the Lord's comprehension of the purposes of all things.

          Which of you can describe to me what it means to be saved so that I can understand it the same way that God does?  How could any of us ever hope to completely master the complex interplay of faith, agency, justice, and mercy on par with the Great Jehovah?

          Follow the promptings of the Spirit.  Serve others.  Keep the commandments.  But always remember that the Lord's ways are higher than our ways and that we often misunderstand the reasons for the guidance He gives us, even when they seem obvious.  The day will come when we do understand, but until then we are to walk by faith, not knowing everything.  When we see as we are seen and know as we are known we will thank God for the experiences of our lives and rejoice at the perfection of His plan for us.

          That each one of the people I love might stand with God and His Christ at that great day is my prayer and the purpose for which I have dedicated my entire life.