Earlier this week I was feeling a little down on myself
because several things weren't going the way that I wanted them to. Somewhere in the midst of rehashing some
pent-up angst and agonizing over frustrating circumstances I realized that I
wasn't handling things as well as I had just a few days before. I noticed that there wasn't much that was
fundamentally different than what I had been up against before. Nothing much, that is, except for one thing.
Just a few days before, under a similar amount of pressure
and against equivalent odds, I believed absolutely unquestioningly that things
would work out for the best, win or lose.
In fact, it reminded me of a quote that used to be taped to my parent's
bathroom mirror:
"I believe I am
always divinely guided. I believe I will
always take the right turn of the road. I
believe God will always make a way where there is no way."
--Norman
Vincent Peale
Take another look at that second statement: "I believe I will always take the right
road." Isn't that a bit
egotistical? Or at least a little
unrealistic? Who in their right mind
thinks that they will always take the
right road? Yet in this statement I see
something of the fundamental core of faith.
The key is understanding exactly how much God is in control of
things. I know that He understands me
well enough to construct circumstances that will lead me to make the right
decisions. All of my mistakes and
shortcomings have already been taken into consideration and planned for. So my faith in Him translates directly into
unshaken confidence in my own decisions.
It makes it possible to accept the fact that I feel insecure and keep
moving forward, even when the future feels dark and menacing. Often I don't have any idea which is the
right road, but I do know that whichever one it is will be the path I end up
taking, because God will lead me there.
The reason that I am so sure of this is because, deep in my
heart, I want my will to be God's will.
And that desire reaches across the light years of space between us and
pulls us closer together. That
aspiration connects my divine destiny with reality and allows God to become the
power by which I shine.
I do believe that I will always take the right road. I believe that I will always have the words
to say and the places to go. I believe
that the pathway to truth is a part of me and that it will lead me in the way
of light and salvation, for myself and for others. The pathway is fraught with uncertainty. It is full of twists and turns and curveballs
the likes of which I could never have come up with on my own. But it is also full of peace and
righteousness and miracles and hope.
That moment of realization sitting at that small wooden
table in my apartment when I comprehended that I had to choose between faith
and discouragement was a turning point of sorts. Within only a few days I would have to rely
on the Lord in a way that I had never before trusted Him. A moment when I had to cry, "Without Thy
help I will fall. Help me
fly." And I did. And He did.
Those are the moments
life is worth living for.
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