Selfishness Versus Self-Centeredness

How do you feel about the following motivations for helping someone?

Pride

Physical Reward (i.e. money)

Social Approval

Guilt

Duty

Temporal Blessings (from God)

Eternal Blessings (from God)

Becoming a Better Person

Meeting the People You Helped in the Celestial Kingdom

          Which motivation most often describes you?  Which ones make you feel

uncomfortable?  What do all of these motivations have in common?  They are all self-centered.  All of them.  Wait a minute!  Isn't it a good thing to be a better person and to see the fruits of your labors after this life?  Isn't it good to want blessings from God?  Yes.  But even these motivations lack something critical.  When I said that all the motivations listed above were self-centered, you probably immediately equated the term with selfishness.  It's probably not so bad to use the terms interchangeably, but there is a fundamental difference between the two.

          Selfishness is the act of yielding to the desires of the natural man over what we know is right, seeking pleasure rather than happiness, and obtaining something we want at the expense of another person.  According to that definition, four of the above-mentioned motivations could arguably be considered selfish:  pride, physical reward, social approval, and guilt.  There are, however, many things we can ask for from God  that aren't innately selfish, like patience, humility diligence, help on a test, direction when we're lost or confused, and the Holy Ghost.  All of these things are good things to ask for.  God wants us to have these things.  Some of them are essential to our salvation.  However, they are all centered on our own physical or spiritual wellbeing.  They are blessings that are "centered on ourselves," or in other words, "self-centered".  Although these things need to be in our lives, if we allow them to become the center then we are missing something fundamental.

          Christ taught that if we lose ourselves, we find ourselves.  Joseph Smith said, "Now, in this world, mankind are naturally selfish, ambitious and striving to excel one above another; yet some are willing to build up others as well as themselves."  If our only motivations for helping others are self-centered ones, who are we really choosing to build up?  Moroni 7:6,  "For behold, God hath said a man being evil cannot do that which is good; for if he offereth a gift, or prayeth unto God, except he shall do it with real intent it profiteth him nothing."

          Undoubtedly one of the most subtle self-centered motivations is the last one, to meet people that we helped in the Celestial Kingdom.  This is still self-centered because what we really want is our own personal happiness in knowing that we were such good people on the Earth that we helped others considerably.  Even altering this motivation to "wanting to be the person that helps others return to the Celestial Kingdom" still isn't enough to get the "self" out of the equation completely.  There still remains more of yourself to lose.  

          How then, can we ever find true altruism?  Does it even exist?  It does.  It is the attribute we commonly refer to as Charity, and it means desiring another's happiness more than your own.  It was the Christ's motivation for performing the Atonement, the motivation that still drives His actions today.  For that reason, we commonly refer to Charity as the pure love of Christ.  Pure, because there is no selfishness or self-centeredness involved.  Of Christ because it is His love, and because only through Him can anyone else love this way.  Please note that although all love is good, without the help of our Savior there will still be impurities in our love for others that need to be removed.  With that in mind, let us review the doctrine of Charity, found in 1 Corinthians 13:1-11

       "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.  And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.  And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing...Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away.  For we know in part, and we prophesy in part.  But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away.  When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

          The fact that Paul says that prophecy, tongues, faith to move mountains, and even sacrificial acts are nothing without Charity implies that it is possible to do all of those things without it.  Yet without Charity, we will fail, because it is the only force in the universe that never does.  We know in part what it means to love others, but when that which is perfect love comes, all our imperfect motivations are to be done away.  When we were spiritual children we talked, understood, and thought in terms of improving ourselves temporally and spiritually, but when we become spiritual men we thrust those things to the periphery of our lives and desire the happiness of others.

          How do we develop this perfect love?  Ponder on that this week, post your thoughts in the comments, and stay tuned for my answer next Monday:  The Lesson of the Tree of Life.