Repentance and Self-Deception

          Have you ever wondered why a person with serious behavioral problems is often the last one to notice them?  Have you ever considered why people who once had strong testimonies fall away from the Church?  Do you ever feel like you're doing well spiritually, only to realize in a moment of clarity that you have slowly been drifting away from what you knew was important?

          All of these are questions that almost every active latter-day saint has considered at one time or another.  The answers to these questions are fundamental to understand in order to lay hold on the all-important principle of enduring to the end.

          In order to illustrate what I think the answers to these questions are, I draw from the Biblical account of the fall of Cain.  An important point that we often miss when reading the story is how righteous Cain was initially.  That should be shocking to anyone who is familiar with the story, but let me explain.  In Genesis 4 we read of two instances when the Lord talked to Cain.  Regardless of how the communication occurred, it could not have happened without some initial degree of righteousness on his part. Elder Joseph Fielding Smith, then a member of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, confirmed:  “Cain’s great sin was not committed in ignorance. We have every reason to believe that he had the privilege of standing in the presence of messengers from heaven. In fact the scriptures infer that he was blessed by communication with the Father and was instructed by messengers from his presence. No doubt he held the Priesthood; otherwise his sin could not make of him Perdition. He sinned against the light."

          If Cain had such a great knowledge of God, why did he make such a terrible choice?  I submit that he fell simply because he "loved Satan more than God."  Think about this.  Do you think that you could ever love God with all your heart, might, mind, and strength, and not get something significant out of your scripture study?  Do you think you could ever love Him like that and not repent as soon as you found out that you were doing something wrong?  Do you think you could love Him like that and not always remember Him?

          Loving God is the miracle cure for going through the motions.  Which means that if we have started going through the motions, there is something in our lives that we love, at least for the moment, more than Him.

          The other day I was talking to a friend who told me that following his mission he frequently attended the temple in order to receive revelation from God about something very important.  After awhile he realized that the thing he was trying to receive revelation about had become the focus of his worship.  It had become his god.  That conversation made me look at my own life more closely.  I identified several "false gods" of this more subtle variety.  They include things like helping others, maintaining the guidance of the Spirit, and planning for the future.  Don't get me wrong, all of these things are necessary.  They just aren't the object of our worship.  In fact, if we love God with all our hearts, all of these things, not to mention many of the less noble false gods, will naturally increase in our lives, but in the periphery.

          There is a natural connection between not loving God and lying.  If we lie, we love falsehood more than we love the Truth, and He will not be able to set us free.  I believe that lying became such a great part of Cain's character that he often lied to himself.  Such an event is not without precedent. 

"But behold, the devil hath deceived me; for he appeared unto me in the form of an angel...And I have taught his words; and I taught them because they were pleasing unto the carnal mind; and I taught them, even until I had much success, insomuch that I verily believed that they were true;" (Alma 30: 53)

          I believe that whenever we see spiritual wickedness in high places, this kind of lying to oneself can be found.  It starts subtly, almost imperceptibly, with a refusal to repent.  The moment that we tell ourselves that we are justified in breaking the commandments of God in our particular situation we have lied to ourselves.  Those who can't see their own guilt are victims of self-deception.  Those who fall away from the Church do so because they first lose the love of the Lord in their hearts, then become caught up with false gods, and ultimately wrap their worship in Satan's lies.  We do the same thing on a smaller scale whenever we decide not to change some small thing that pricks at our conscience and take a step or two towards the great and spacious building.

          If any of you within reach of this blog feel yourselves drifting spiritually, repent and come back.  The Savior will ever be there to receive you, to heal, you, and to lead you back into the Divine Presence.