Ties That Bind

          Last week I discussed some of the ways we separate ourselves from one another.  Today I provide my opinion about why we do so, and how the Atonement can resolve our differences.

          I believe that humans place distinctions between themselves and others because we are obsessed with proving to ourselves our own uniqueness.  We are so insecure and uncertain about who we are that we seek to define ourselves by comparing ourselves to others.  

          In the world of science we define the world in terms of contrasts and measurements.  It doesn't help a scientist to know that an asteroid is several hundred thousand furlongs from Earth unless he knows how close that is compared to the majority of other asteroids.  Many scientific conventions are constructed to give precise definitions to terms and measurements that make each concept distinct from everything else in the universe.  If there is a force in the world that we can't define in terms of something we already know, scientists either call it "randomness" or don't recognize that it exists.

          But how do you measure a person?  It's more of a philosophic question than a scientific one, yet each of us grapple with it every day.  Some of us define ourselves by our positions, our place of work, or our hobbies.  A person says, "I'm a businessman," or "I'm a communist," and instantly we think we have an idea of who they are.  Sometimes we choose a cluster of cardinal characteristics to attribute to ourselves.  In elementary school I saw myself as "loyal."  At other times I've seen myself as "sincere," "compassionate," "selfish," or "stingy."  But none of these things by themselves can capture the entirety of who we are, and sometimes we feel a sense of wanting to latch onto something concrete.  We want to know how sincere or kind or helpful we are.  So we define ourselves by how we differ from other humans.  They are the yardstick by which we measure ourselves.

          When we see someone make a mistake or perform less well than we could it gives us a sense of being better than them, maybe not as a person, but at least in that one specific area.  If a person fails to excel in athletics and is put down because of it he could choose to see himself as worse than his oppressors because of his lack of skill, or he could see himself as morally better because he doesn't respond to their criticism in a negative way.

          The Atonement of Jesus Christ is the only way to change our natures deeply enough to erase all of the artificial barriers we place between ourselves.  When we try to equalize ourselves through our own efforts we may have temporary success with one barrier, such as skin color, only to create new barriers by defining others as "racist" or "egalitarian."  To truly be equal we need a power beyond our own.

          In the Book of Mormon the book of 4 Nephi preaches that there was no contention "because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people."  Not love for each other, but love for God.  Why?  Because when the people chose to love God they used their agency to obey him and made solemn covenants that pulled the enabling power of the Atonement into their lives.  That Power changed their hearts to the point that they began to love each other in a more exalted way.  God taught each one in their hearts that they were His spiritual offspring with inherent worth, regardless of their abilities and independent of every other living creature in the universe.  They defined themselves as a society of equals, each with distinct skills and accomplishments.  They desired the happiness of their brothers and sisters more than their own happiness.

          If you want a change of that magnitude in your life, keep your covenants and prepare yourselves to receive any others that you currently lack.  Follow the Spirit, keep the commandments to the best of your ability, and plead for divine help.  Elder Dale Renlund taught, "Through the Atonement of Christ and by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel, we undergo this ultimate operation, this spiritual change of heart." 

          Elder Bednar went further:  "The Lord’s authorized servants repeatedly teach that one of the principal purposes of our mortal existence is to be spiritually changed and transformed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ...I witness the reality and divinity of a living Savior who invites us to come unto Him and be transformed."

          I too witness of that reality as one who struggles to allow the Savior to make that transformation a deep and permanent part of his character through grace far above what he deserves.  

The Great Divide

          In Doctrine & Covenants 38 the Lord warned, "If ye are not one, ye are not mine."  Unity is the great hallmark of the Lord's chosen people.  Unity is built on thousands of interconnecting relationships and perspectives.  It is forged from equality and love.

          Humans often erect mental barriers between themselves and others that divide and subdivide the world into groups of "us" and "them."  This happens so subtly and indistinctively that we often have no idea what we are doing.  A recent example from my sociology class will illustrate.

          Recently we have been discussing racism in class.  One talking point was that preceding the Civil Rights Movement, many African Americans displayed just as much hostility towards to white Americans as Caucasians did to them.  Both groups of people despised the other; Caucasians looked down on African American's skin color and African Americans looked down on Caucasians' discrimination.  Both populations saw themselves as being higher than the other.  While the two races were not equally culpable for the situation, both sides created the division.  Additionally, as a society that decries racism, we tend to look down on racists as much as the racists themselves look down on people of other ethnicities.  If we hate racists as much as racists hate other ethnicities, are we really doing any better than them?

          What things cause you to look down on others?  Searching inward, I see a propensity to mentally demote those that don't live up to the same moral standard that I do, or who don't understand the principles of the Gospel as clearly because of a lack of diligence on their part.  For me, it isn't that I don't love them.  In fact, I pray for some of them by name almost every day.  It isn't that I don't respect them or the good things that they do.  It isn't that I don't desire their happiness.  I simply don't live perfectly up to the council to "esteem [my] brother as [myself]."  I see myself standing above them trying to pull them up to my level when in reality they are already there.  We are all inherently, unchangeably, equal.

          This doesn't mean that our choices don't have temporal and eternal consequences.  What it does mean is that our brother's choices should not affect his standing before us.  Whatever he does, we should always see him as the same as us.  Because he is.

          Elder Oaks gave one most accurate statements on equality that I know of when he said, "At this conference we have seen the release of some faithful brothers, and we have sustained the callings of others. In this rotation—so familiar in the Church—we do not “step down” when we are released, and we do not “step up” when we are called. There is no “up or down” in the service of the Lord. There is only “forward or backward.”

          He also said, "In the eyes of God, whether in the Church or in the family, women and men are equal, with different responsibilities."

          I doubt any of you disagree with either of those two statements, but what we say often that undermines the foundations of both.  For instance, we seem to believe that general authorities were called to their positions because they live the Gospel at least as well or better than any other member of the Church.  Of course these men have used their agency well throughout their lives, but their standing before God is not necessarily any better than another faithful member.  And their worth is certainly not any greater.

          In the Church we do not believe that men are better than women.  However, often statements are made that suggest that we believe the reverse is true.  How often have you heard the following in a talk?  "I met my wife in a student ward almost twenty years ago.  I asked her to marry me and to my surprise she said yes!  I still wonder sometimes what she was thinking."

          Women are rightfully portrayed as being spiritually strong, mentally smart, and sensitive to the needs of others.  However, men unrighteously criminate themselves as blundering oafs that are more of a burden to their wives than a blessing.  People who talk this way about themselves do not understand the sacred character of the person who they're demeaning.  Much of the time the description is downright untruthful.  Further, such a worldview undermines modern-day revelation that "fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

          It is good for men to praise and to serve women.  It is part of their God-given role.  But such service does not diminish either gender's equality.  Even the fact that men tend to be less faithful to the Savior than women cannot destroy that equality.  It stands independent of all earthly action.

          This post is not meant to condemn any specific group of people for looking down on others.  Rather, its purpose is to help each one of us recognize the specific ways in which we do so.  Next week, I'll talk about how God can mend the rifts we so often tear between ourselves and others.  For now, take comfort in knowing Christ's goal for each of us personally,

          D&C 76:92, 94-95: And thus we saw the glory‍ of the celestial, which excels‍ in all things—where God, even the Father, reigns upon his throne‍ forever and ever...they see as they are seen, and know‍ as they are known, having received of his fullness and of his grace;

 And he makes them equal‍ in power, and in might, and in dominion.

Weakness vs. Sin

           I am convinced that a lot of the frustration we level at ourselves because of perfectionism comes from an imperfect understanding  of what it means to put forth our best effort.  Sometimes we condemn ourselves for actions that don't deserve condemnation.  Other times we try to do more than we currently have the spiritual capacity to accomplish.

          There is a significant difference between mistakes and sins.  Occasionally we all make mistakes that unintentionally harm others or are not the best use of our resources.  Sometimes the wrong words slip out, help is offered in a less-effective way than would be ideal, or we forget some important administrative detail.  We have a tendency  to be hard on ourselves when this happens, not realizing that our actions are missing the fundamental element of sin:  agency.

          That doesn't mean, of course, that we don't use our agency to make day to day decisions such as the ones mentioned above.  However, when we make a mistake, rather than a sin, we never make the inner decision to rebel against God, or anything that comes from Him.  Elder Scott has said, "The joyful news...is that the Lord sees weaknesses differently than He does rebellion. Whereas the Lord warns that unrepented rebellion will bring punishment, when the Lord speaks of weaknesses, it is always with mercy."  Selfishness and refusal to obey God is always the underlying element of sin.  In a word, it is what makes sin wrong.  That underlying decision is always deliberate.  It requires agency.  This means that when we make a completely inadvertent mistake, one made in total ignorance without the slightest desire to be rebellious or selfish, that mistake was never really a sin.

          For example, if an IRS worker, while doing everything they possibly can to be accurate and precise, makes a mistake that costs another person a lot of money, have they committed a sin?  Of course not!  They never used their agency to do wrong to another person.  In fact, they were doing everything in their power to do things the right way.  So why is it that when we are the one making the inadvertent mistakes we are so much harder on ourselves?  Such mistakes do not contradict the laws of God and will never keep a person out of heaven.

          In another way of looking at it, our mistakes or weaknesses constitute the limit of our 

capacity, while sin is the blatant misuse of our capacity.  A seasoned missionary who doesn't teach to the best of his ability because of laziness would surely be under condemnation, whereas a very new missionary who teaches at the same level because that is the best he can do would not.  What for the older missionary is a sin is merely weakness for the younger.  Even if the younger missionary unintentionally offended someone because of his lack of experience with the language, he still would not be using his agency the wrong way.

          An important corollary to this idea is the fact that no one can ever make us sin.  Even if another person could physically force us to do an action that is wrong, if we used our agency to fight back and never gave our will to them, they could never impel us to sin.  Sin is something that happens inside of us.  The actions themselves are merely outward manifestations of the real crime that occurs in a person's heart.  The Lord will never allow weakness or mistakes on our part to permanently harm the wellbeing or salvation of another. 

          As, with the Spirit, we learn to discern between our mistakes and our sins, we can learn to look down on ourselves less and concentrate on those things that are really keeping us from perfection rather than shooting at smoke.  We can learn what things to let go of and what things to repent of.  We can see ourselves in a more accurate light.  When, in our weakness, we become humble and come unto Christ through repentance, the Lord in His mercy forgives us of our sins and "make[s] weak things strong to [us]."  We can be sure that He desires to do so.

Taking Covenants For Granted

          Joseph Smith once said that one of the saddest things he had ever witnessed was "the sorrow of members of the Church who came forth to a resurrection below that which they had taken for granted they would receive."  Elder Marion G. Romney added, "I have heard people contend that they have a claim upon [the blessings] because they have been through the temple, even though they are not careful to keep the covenants they there made.  I do not think this will be the case."  

           The phrase "taken for granted" should be interesting to you and to me.  Why?  Because it implies a grievance far more minor than the abhorrent sins we normally think of as eternal life preventers.

          There are many ways to break a covenant.  Some of them are very serious and require very painful repentance to recover from.  Others are not so obvious.  For example, we often forget to always remember the Savior, which we covenant to do every week.  There are elements of the temple covenants that perhaps we do not take seriously enough.  Of course, the Lord does not expect us to be absolutely perfect at these things.  The issue emerges when we decide to disregard an aspect of our covenants because we are distracted by worldly things.  The question then becomes, "What is the focus of my life?  My covenants, or something else?"

          Experiencing an intense struggle to keep our covenants is a good sign.  Jesus Christ declared:  " Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it."  Seeking exaltation is difficult by its very nature.  If we feel that way, it is likely because our lives our founded upon the teachings of Jesus Christ, and He is leading us along a path that will eventually allow us to keep our covenants perfectly.  The danger lies in complacency.  Do any of you honestly believe that God will judge the man who makes the covenants and then coasts to the end of his life the same as the one who struggles to be perfected with his whole might, mind and strength?

          Said Elder Holland, "The size of your faith or the degree of your knowledge is not the issue—it is the integrity you demonstrate toward the faith you do have and the truth you already know."  Or, to restate the principle in other words, the number of covenants we have made and the strength of our capacity we have to keep them is not the issue, it is the integrity we demonstrate toward the covenants we do have and the desire to receive and keep all the covenants of salvation and exaltation in the future.

          This post is not a call to run ourselves into the ground in the name of covenant-keeping.  It is a call to refocus our lives on what is most important and blow away the chaff.  It is a call to consider every part of our covenants worth sacrificing for.  It is a call to not "take for granted" eternal blessings until they are presented to us by at the judgment bar by the Great Jehovah.  On the other hand, it is also a call to hope in the sureness and safety of the way Jesus Christ provides.  His is not a Gospel of fear.

          Rather, it is a Gospel of our love for Him. 

The Past, Present, and Future

            To be truly happy we need to be at peace with our past, our present and our future.  So often we think of our happiness as something that exists in the present.  We forget that we are spiritual offspring of a Being who dwells in an Eternal Now.  We underestimate the impact of both our past and future on our capacity to feel joy.

            We feel sad when a loved one passes away.  Why?  Because they aren't present with us?  Partially, but that isn't the whole story.  You don't see a husband sobbing at his bedside because his wife went to the store for a few minutes and isn't physically near his side.  No, we cry when loved ones die because we see before us a future that doesn't include the deceased person, at least for the short term.  However, just taking into account the present and future doesn't do justice to the situation either.  Every day on the news we hear stories of people dying in horrible ways, people who are also not physically with us and who we will not see for a great while either.  Why, then, do we mourn the passing of those closest to us so much more then the death of those that we do not know?  Because of the past.  Because of the years and years of memories that have woven our heart together with theirs.

            Take away any of these three perspectives and the sadness we feel at funerals would not exist.  Take away the past and we would be attending the last rites of a stranger.  Take away the pang of a future without our loved one and we are just a man waiting for his wife to come home from the store.  Take away their absence in the present and you have exactly what we have now:  an understanding that the people we love will die at some point, but that it isn't something to worry about until it happens.

            How about happiness?  At a marriage, the bride and groom are happy because the event 1) is a culmination of happy events of the past, 2) is the beginning of happy years (and hopefully even longer, if they are married in the temple) in the future, and 3) because the present moment ties into one and makes permanent the happiness of both past and future.

            Knowing this fact, that our past, present, and future all affect our overall frame of mind, we can change a lot about our lives.  For example, we can repent of our past sins so that our present companionship of the Holy Ghost and future eternal possibilities will not be limited.  We can change our perspective and understanding of the future by reading priesthood blessings we received long ago and by learning more about how God works in our lives through the whispering of the Spirit here and now, which will affect our interpretation of the past as well as our present attitudes.  We can take action today so that tomorrow we will feel better about how our yesterday went.

            Is it any wonder, then, that eternal life, the greatest happiness we can receive, is composed of a perfectly pure past, a present that is always in God's Presence, and an eternal future of constant progression with those that we love?  Through the timeless gift of Jesus Christ, whose Atonement reaches back endlessly to clean us from our mistakes and which sustains us each moment, the day may come that all that the Father has will be given to us.